|
|
Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful. James 5:11
I have been registered on God´s waiting school for quite a bit now. . . it is not that I am overreacting, It´s been pretty much 42 months since things have been pretty tough for me & my family in one way or another.
& to be honest I have not kept the same step all the way, I mean... I try to -not to stop walking- but I don´t have a constant speed. As a matter of fact sometimes I have been very close to say enough.
Despite all that, I really can´t say that God hasn´t been good and caring with us, because He HAS been good.
I GUESS it´s more a matter of being trained for ALL kinds of things, a matter of discovering dreams and hopes but not being able to reach them YET.
If you compare it to school you can´t grad if you have bad grades in ONE subject ...even if its not that important according to our criteria.
Well, that might be the problem with me, its just that I have not discovered what subject are we talking about yet ( so its a bit more complicated if you do not know what are you fighting against )
But I´ve tried, really tried to keep the faith and be positive... until 17 days ago. Worst day ever in my life. It turns out I LOST MY GRANDMA... MY ONLY ONE. She was not just a 'grandma',she was like another mom for me, a confident, a friend, a refuge...and I lost her.
WHY MY GRANDMA? When she got in to the hospital, I was COMPLETELY SURE (zero doubts) that God, MY GOD was going to heal hear, I prayed and I was confident and I knew that faith was going to do it.... but God said NO. & so my biggest battle started...
"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, Romans 5:3-4 "
That verse is pretty to say but NOT that easy to live, I have been fighting against the resentment in my heart, against the frustration that produces to feel that you are not being heard.
¿But is that so? ¿Am I not being heard? ¿Is MY God hiding His face from me? I was wondering that when I found this:
Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.-Isaiah 30:18.
So NO, is not that. See? We have talked and He is just saying: WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE RESERVED FOR YOU.
Ok, Ok, Not easy AT ALL to wait... or let´s rephrase that: I am tired of keep waiting.
But ... from the bottom of my heart I know that I trust Him and that somehow, some when everything will be more than what I dreamt and then I will be able to say: "For you would forget your trouble, As waters that have passed by, you would remember it." Job 11:16.
Mean while, I have to admit that I feel tired but God has helped me not to crumble. and that is amazing enough because there is no other way to keep walking.
I really really hope to be able to write about how the rain has gone... soon! |
|
